At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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