God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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