I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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