she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
