TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
