why didn't you poke me back
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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