JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
