So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
