4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize