At least make sure they are 18
Why
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
