i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
