there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
