I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
