her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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