You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
