Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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