All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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