I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize