I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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