I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize