i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
