I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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