and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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