My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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