I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We left the knife in your bed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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