matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was like getting head from an anaconda
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
