I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
