Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
