i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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