And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize