So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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