I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
