nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The best revenge is premature balding
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
