"it" just moved
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
