Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize