My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
