I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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