she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
