Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
