I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
