i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
