Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
