The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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