It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i've created a new STD.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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