Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
