I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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