woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
