I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
