does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
