I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
