There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
