His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
