Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
