Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
