I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
