dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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