'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
