please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
