She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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