If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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