I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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