I accidentally burped into my bong.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
