I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize