Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
