I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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