just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
