How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just pee around me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
