She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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