were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Drake has all the answers
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
