Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
