I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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