his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize