she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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