You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
accomplished twins. life is a go
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
