Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
