I am spending my child support on dildos
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
