I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is it penis luge time yet?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
