Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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