mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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