Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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