I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
