"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
