My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
