Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
