So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize