my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
