I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize