Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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