dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
