I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
