i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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