if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize