Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
