I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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