I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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