I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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