I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
